Ten years on, it is difficult to read this without anxiety. In an age of consent lessons on campus and school education on the harmful effects of pornography, the conversation has changed. So has Strauss. He tells me that, without knowing it at the time, he was a pretty troubled man when he wrote The Game. A new book, out this month, describes these upheavals and the eventual inner peace the author found in domesticity. Clive-marked coffee in hand, Strauss leaves the cafe and heads for home, which is a large, white-walled villa on a hill.
On a shelf near his study, Strauss keeps a framed letter that was sent to him by Phil Collins, the pop star writing to tell the journalist to fuck off, after a negative write-up in Rolling Stone. Strauss chuckles awkwardly. Biographies of rock bands, porn stars, CEOs. But, I mean, we only learn from our mistakes, right? Strauss says no. Feeling a healthy sort of shame. I hope to regret and be embarrassed by this discussion five years from now.
Strauss grew up sexually frustrated, and moved into adulthood that way. A book about pick-up artistry was suggested to him by an editor at HarperCollins. The subject intrigued Strauss, in part because he was very lonely at the time. He was an expert quizzer of famous people, able to draw out the Snoops and Britneys to an uncommon degree.
Still, he felt he had no natural flair for flirting in the real world. Willing himself to become a bolshie approacher of strangers in bars — sarging, to use another phrase The Game popularised — felt all wrong when Strauss first tried it. Then it felt OK. He overcame his shyness around women and started having more sex.
He tells me he always had the intention of pulling free from the world of pick-up artistry when the book was finished. This was not so easily done.
Two years later, and with apparent reluctance, Strauss published a sequel. He endorsed a Game board game. When she learned about the cruellest of his infidelities her best friend, a church car park , Ingrid agreed to forgive Strauss only on the condition he be treated for sex addiction.
So he entered rehab for three months. Here his problems really began. By opening up his psyche to trained therapists for the first time, Strauss learned he had quite an assortment of mental and emotional conditions. In short order, he was diagnosed with anxiety syndrome, depressive disorder, two forms of sexual disorder and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.
If you see a Google Drive link instead of source url, means that the file witch you will get after approval is just a summary of original book or the file has been already removed. Loved each and every part of this book. I will definitely recommend this book to non fiction, psychology lovers. Your Rating:. Gilsinan: So 10 years later, why did you change your mind? You said The Game was kind of a coming-of-age tale, but it was like coming to the age of adolescence at a late point. And I think The Truth in a way was coming to adulthood at a late point.
It happens in the book. Why did I really stop writing for The New York Times , hang out with all these kids running around, you know, the Sunset Strip like a maniac in stupid clothing? I see those photos and I vomit in my mouth a little bit. I even knew then that it was about low self-esteem. I thought it would be a book about male insecurity. I think it would have been a lot louder. Strauss: We all have narcissistic mothers. So what happened? What happens when you grow up with your identity being squashed by this mother who never sees you but only sees herself, is you grow up with a fear of being overpowered by the feminine again.
Strauss: Right? So when I would do seminars [about The Game ], I would say, let me ask you, how many people here were raised with a narcissistic or dominant mother figure? Every time it was about 80 percent of the room. Gilsinan: How did you come to that realization? Was that a product of therapy?
Strauss: Yeah. I met a great woman and we were in a great relationship. And I cheated on her. I got caught. And I felt so bad. I thought I was a nice guy, I really did, you know? And I thought, how can I break the heart of, how could I hurt somebody who loves me and be so selfish? So I checked into sex addiction rehab.
Even when I was there, I was cynical about it. Of course there was a dominant therapist to quote unquote emasculate me, so of course it was rough for me. And then there was a moment where I told her the story of my childhood. It was like a movie. All of a sudden your whole past story just snaps into line and I saw who I was.
The Game Quotes Showing of And by waiting, they miss out. Usually, what you wish for doesn't fall in your lap; it falls somewhere nearby, and you have to recognize it, stand up, and put in the time and work it takes to get to it. This isn't because the universe is cruel. It's because the universe is smart.
It has its own cat-string theory and knows we don't appreciate things that fall into our laps. All he can do is give her an opportunity to choose him. We merely think we are and, on occasion, act as if we are. But, by believing in our nobler nature, women have the amazing power to inspire us to live up to it.
Just say, "Thank you. It doesn't hurt at all anymore because why should someone who's a complete stranger have any control over your sense of selfworth? We all do that as we get to know someone. Like a tabloid editor, we search for both greatness and weakness, jotting down notes in our heads for future exploitation.
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